I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Less talking, more tequila
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
