It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Everclear isn't food dammit
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize