At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
