There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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