Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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