Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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