I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
