the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
