I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
