I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
honey bunches of taint.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
we should paint friendship bongs
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