I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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