Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
