New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
