shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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