someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
