I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
