She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize