She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
