Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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