During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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