We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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