If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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