Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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