I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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