Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
