Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
