Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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