who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
