Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
