I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
