You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
