I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
