And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
