I want to stick my p in your. b.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
