we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
