my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dear god my vagina.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
