I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
