All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
