u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
