My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I am available for nakedness
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
