just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
