I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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