Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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