high people should be assigned attendants
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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