Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
