oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize