what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just gargled with NyQuil
These tits shall not be calmed
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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