I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
