bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
