Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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