my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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