Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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