jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
