Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
