I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
