This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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