if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize