I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
