I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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