Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
