You're my little dorito
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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