I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
