Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
