Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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