I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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