I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
