that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
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