The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Walk of Shame today included voting.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
