In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
