I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
