i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
