I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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