We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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