it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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