He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
