yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
