Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize