"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
