We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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