We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
