Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
