maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
