I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
