I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
