Im at strip club and am horny
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize