But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
