We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
What drink are we having for lunch?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
