apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
