when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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