It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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