i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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