So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
