this just has baby written all over it
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
