i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
