Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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