Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
