Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
