I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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