Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
it hurts more in the daytime
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
