I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
