shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
