thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
