why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have fence marks all over my body
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
