first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Four minutes until I can fart!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
