I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
