Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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