so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
