Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
