He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
This toilet bowl is my home.
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