Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
