I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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