Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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