She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
can u get pink eye on your cock?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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