I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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